


numb

by noobishere



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:30:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1813630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noobishere/pseuds/noobishere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s funny how their bodies work. They can’t feel, not really; not like how they could when they were alive at least. If anything, they’re just like when they were when alive, only without a pulse and with a very pale complexion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	numb

It’s funny how their bodies work. They can’t feel, not really; not like how they could when they were alive at least. They don’t feel as much pain, but they still grieve. They are supposed to be unfeeling and yet they still experience anger, love, hatred. If anything, they’re just like when they were when alive, only without a pulse and with a very pale complexion.

Kieren remembers feeling an acute sense of pain; starting from the left side of his brain down to the back of his neck, that first time he was aware of being injected with Neurotriptyline. It’s usually when he’s being administered with his medication that he feels any kind of pain, and when he irritated his eyes for wearing his contacts for too long; but that was it.

Which is why he couldn’t help but wonder if Simon had felt anything when he was being carved open like a piece of meat, if he could still feel anything, as he trails his finger softly over the poorly stitched up wound. It was a massive scar, running along the length of Simon’s spine; he could see the hint of white bone. Kieren feels himself shudder in horror.

One minute Kieren was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, and then the next, he found himself in Amy’s bungalow; door unlocked and there Simon was, washing his face in the toilet, back towards him.

He had gasped so loudly, right in the middle of calling Simon out, when he saw the big gashing wound. Before he could even think of it, he was already asking, “Who did that to you?”

Simon had looked as if he was about to argue, to postpone this to another time, before he sighed, resigned, and gestured Kieren to his room. They sat on the bed, Simon looking everywhere but at Kieren, and Kieren sitting cross legged right in front of Simon. 

He touched Simon’s arm gently, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Tell me.”

Simon told him about being the first undead to ever respond to Neurotriptyline and how he’d let the doctors treating him to experiment on him, in the false hopes of getting ‘better’. Simon scoffed at that.

“O’course at the time I didn’t want to believe that this _is_ what’s normal, that there’s nothing to fix.”

Then Kieren learnt about Julian, one of the disciples of the Undead Prophet, who made him see sense. How Simon had asked the doctors to stop experimenting on him and they didn’t listen, and he had to _beg_ them to stop. About how his father chased him out after he got back from the treatment centre. How he had no one and nothing, except the number Julian gave him.

That was when Kieren realised he didn’t know much about Simon, and felt horrible.

The thing about Simon is that he’s really charming, he’s got a way with words, and he’s very gentle; always ready to listen, which are all evident with the amount of followers he had both in Roarton and back at the commune (according to Amy). He has a way of making people open up to him, of assuring others that there’s nothing wrong with them and Kieren loves that about him. Loves that Simon’s so attentive and sincere to all other PDS sufferers, even though his former followers glower at him, now, whenever they see him. He loves it so much that he tends to forget that he needs to give back, to show Simon that he’s not alone, that he cares about him too, that he wants to know everything about him too.

“Does it – did it hurt? When they did this to you?”

Kieren was touching around the edges of the jagged wound, gently. He felt the rough skin of a wound halfway healed, unable to heal completely. Their brains don’t exactly produce reproductive cells as fast anymore, if not, any. 

Simon shifts a bit, uncomfortable for being under scrutiny, for once.

“No, but I could feel them poking inside. Not exactly the most comfortable I’ve ever been.”

He turns around and smiles softly at Kieren, and that was that, Kieren kne; topic’s over, unless Simon feels like divulging more in the future. He could definitely wait.

He pressed his lips softly against Simon’s, an apology for prying, and Simon’s hand came up to cradle his face like he was precious.

Kieren was pretty sure he was halfway from falling completely head over heels with Simon. The way he treats him like he’s the most amazing person in the world leaves Kieren bashful and content. It’s just that, sometimes, he could tell how Simon was holding back; unsure if he’s allowed to touch, to be close, to wanting to be anywhere near him. Whenever Kieren kisses him or touches him, he looks so awe struck that it hurts.

A few days after Amy’s funeral, Simon came up to his room for the first time; Kieren felt ridiculous at how nervous he was back then. Simon was quietly taking in everything; the myriad of paintings on the wall. Kieren sat at the edge of his bed, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie, self-conscious. 

Then Simon’s eyes caught Kieren’s sketching of him, rumpled and tacked on his notice board. His eyes widened just slightly, fingers making aborted movements of reaching out to the rumpled paper. Kieren cleared his throat, trying to cover up his embarrassment by going on and on about how Gary had been a complete dick for trashing his room and ruining the drawing. 

Simon seemed to clue in on this and averted his gaze from the sketch, a small, almost shy, smile on his face as he nodded and went to sit next to Kieren. Kieren had looked at him then, looking so pleased, and he couldn’t help but smile too, feeling proud of himself. He bumped his shoulder teasingly against Simon’s and they spent what felt like hours just staring at each other, smiling.

Kieren found that he could spend as much time with Simon doing everything and nothing at all. Sometimes they’d spend hours talking and arguing; sometimes they’d just sit pressed close together on the settee or the bed with Simon reading the papers and Kieren listening to his music.

When Kieren was too engrossed in his latest work, back slumped over his desk and hand black with charcoal, Simon went about exploring his room and rifling through his stuff. The sounds of activity changed to sudden silence and Kieren stopped what he was doing and turned to ask Simon what was wrong, when he saw Simon holding the box containing his and Rick’s memories together. He felt a lump in his throat, not sure how to breach this subject.

Simon looked at him questioningly, silently asking permission and Kieren found himself nodding. He watched Simon as he pulled out one picture after another, watching for any reaction; there was nothing that indicated he was angry or jealous, he just looked solemn.

“I- I’ll throw that away.”

Simon started at this, looking up from the pictures to him. He shook his head, forehead creasing with a frown. “Don’t be stupid, Kieren.”

Kieren shrugged, “I don’t want you to think I’m still hung up on him.”

Which he isn’t, not anymore. Rick was his first love, yes, but he’s gone and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. He’s come to terms with it long before Amy came back with Simon. It’s just nice, to keep the memories there; all the good ones. Nice to remember what he once had with Rick.

“It’s natural to want to keep the memories of your loved ones,” was all Simon said, in a matter of fact tone. It might seem stupid, it might just be one small thing, but Kieren felt utterly touched. 

When he goes to kiss Simon, he felt the tingles from all over his body; he felt a subtle warmth expand through his chest, which is weird because they’re not supposed to feel warmth but Kieren’s long given up on trying to find out how this body works. It didn’t really matter because there’s Simon, kissing back.

**Author's Note:**

> I marathoned all nine episodes last week, and I've been rewatching them ever since. Safe to say, this is my new obsession. Also, apologies if the characterisations are not on point, it’s my first attempt at a Simon/Kieren fic.


End file.
